P is for period

For most of my life, “period” was a bad word. It makes people uncomfortable, it’s something we should be embarrassed about, and it’s the go-to excuse that men use to call women crazy. But now, in my thirties … to quote most right-wing men, “fuck your feelings” about periods. It’s a natural thing that happens to us and the more we tap into knowledge about it, the more we can use it to our advantage rather than to our detriment.

I avoided information about my period until the last five years or so, which is INSANE, but I think common. From the moment it started, I was taught that it was something to hide and akin to inappropriate sexuality. Are periods related to sex? Yes, in terms of procreation, but that’s the whole cycle in general. But periods themselves are not sexual in essence. They’re simply something that happens so that we can harbor life in our uteri.

It was claimed in middle school, when most of us were starting our periods for the first time, that using tampons is equal to losing your virginity or that it could make you loose in some way, so a lot of us started out with bulky pads that lended themselves to male ridicule. “Are you wearing a diaper?!” they would jeer as your face turned beet red. My mom also felt that tampons were for “older girls”, which doesn’t make sense unless you have the mentality that girls should not touch or even be aware of their vaginas until a man has laid claim to it … and, well, that was exactly my upbringing.

The first time I used tampons was probably in ninth grade, about a year and half after I started menstruating. No one taught me how to do it, and I hid the first few boxes from my mom, so I was really novice at the whole thing. I was terrified of “losing it up there”, so I simply touched the tip of the applicator to the opening on my vagina and inserted it. The tampon hung out right at the base and I could feel it all day, with every movement and deep inhale. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but I was no longer wearing a diaper, so I kept at it.

A little while into utilizing this incorrect method, I curiously read the folded up pamphlet in the box and saw the diagram on how to actually insert a tampon. You put the applicator INSIDE?! I was weary about it, but the next time I had my period, I tried it, and guess what … it worked! I could no longer feel it inside me and I could still easily remove it using the string. What a game changer.

Of course, tampons have their own issues, despite their discretion. They can lead to serious illnesses, are typically filled with chemicals, and can still be painful to insert and remove, depending on dryness levels. But I am no longer surprised by items manufactured specifically for women being dangerous and unideal. Thankfully, women have come a long way in this arena and we have plenty more options that are safer, easier, and more thoughtfully designed.

Personally, I now use a period cup. Previously, I tried the discs, which I love in theory, but I really struggled to get it into place so I would often have leaks. Devices like these were very unattractive at first sight when I was younger because it meant using your own fingers to place them inside and cleaning the blood out yourself (and that was G R O S S and U N S E X Y). I’m here to tell you, it’s way easier, better, and it’s your own blood, so who the fuck cares? My husband often finds me on the toilet, knuckles deep adjusting my cup, and doesn’t care. So, if you’re with someone who can’t handle it, then they’re probably not mature enough for much else.

I got on the pill when I was fifteen years old. I was having sex and my mom was terrified I would get pregnant so she demanded I get on it. I did not complain since I was far from having my voice about safe sex (see Condom consent), but hindsight of course tells me that this was a mistake, or at least something that I should have researched before doing.

Birth control can fuck you up. And it’s the doctor’s first and usually only remedy to any issue a woman is having. Painful periods? Get on the pill. Chronic yeast infections? Get on the pill. Cervical cancer? Get on the pill. But the pill literally changes your chemistry, and we go into it so blindly. The main issues I have today started at age fifteen and can be traced back to side effects of the pill. Chronic migraines, depression, anxiety are a normal part of my life now, and I continually wonder if I hadn’t started on the pill, especially at such a young age, would I have any of these problems?

Another wild thing about birth control is that you don’t actually have your period. There are forms where you can skip your “periods” all together, or you can take the pill for three weeks and have a “period” for one every month. That’s what I did since my mom felt it was unnatural to not have a period. BUT IT WASN’T A PERIOD!

I literally learned this like three years ago. When you’re on the pill, your body stops itself from ovulating and producing an egg. A period is the shedding of the uterine lining that occurs when the egg that your body readied for impregnation fails to meet sperm. And then the cycle starts over again where your body begins to produce a new egg and then shed it, etc. etc. until you become pregnant or run out of eggs (menopause).

If you’re not producing an egg, then there is no uterine shedding, so what the fuck comes out of you every month when you’re on the pill? It’s a man-made period to make you feel “normal”. HOW INSANE IS THAT?! Maybe you already knew this. Maybe you knew this the moment you got on birth control, but I certainly didn’t.

So, in the fifteen years that I was on the pill, I did not produce or shed any eggs. Does that mean my menopause will be delayed? No, not necessarily, but I definitely have more eggs than I naturally should at this age, but they’re going to become stale and die off as they mature, like other eggs naturally do. Because I have no plans to become pregnant, this has little effect on me, but could definitely impact other uninformed women.

Did you know that you’re born with all of the eggs you’ll ever have? They are created in utero as you develop and your tiny baby body has them ready to go. Once you start your period, you can actually procreate, but you technically have all of the tools from the get-go. Menopause occurs once all of your eggs are gone, and this is why we don’t have periods anymore once we reach that point. There is no ovulation cycle and thus no shedding. I really can’t wait for that time.

I read a book a few years back called Period Power that explains a lot about the menstruation cycle and also how you can align your life with your own cycle to get the most out of it. We typically look at periods as a bad thing and we dread their arrival; however, the more you understand about your period (and everything leading up to it) and how it affects you, the better you can plan your life alongside it.

Each phase of your cycle brings different bodily chemistry to the mix and so you’ll feel different in each phase, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Understanding that that’s WHY you feel a certain way allows you to give yourself more grace. I get extra sensitive right before my period and that is because I am in the phase where my body is telling me that I’m a failure because I did not get pregnant. So I cannot take jokes the same way, I cannot handle criticism, and I am usually on the verge of tears at any moment. My husband is also aware of this, so he knows that if I react poorly to something that normally would not have such an impact, he does not take it personally or lead it into a fight because he knows that this is just temporary.

Prior to that, you’re ovulating, and you feel FANTASTIC! Your body is giving out all the vibes, trying to get you knocked up. Your skin is clear, your bloat is gone, and your confidence is soaring. Maybe you’re even, dare I say it, a little cocky. Moving into the next phase can be extra shitty when you’re coming off of such a high. WHY AM I SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN LAST WEEK I WAS AMAZING?! It’s a hard thing to cope with if you don’t understand why it’s happening.

My favorite phase is leading up to ovulation. My body is prepping to find sperm and I’m incredibly sharp, speak clearly, and am quick-witted. I am these things mostly at all times, but they are in turbo mode during this phase and I feel really good. So, as Maisie Hill suggests, this is when you should try to schedule any presentations or speeches because you’ll be able to think on your toes most effectively and speak most succinctly.

I’m currently on my period, started this morning. I have been working on losing weight, and it’s going well, but the last couple of days, I haven’t lost any weight and I was getting a little disappointed. And then this morning, when I started my period, it made sense. Not only physically am I not going to show any weight loss because I’m bloated in preparation of my period, but mentally, I was ready to spiral into a disappointment hole and rethink all of the progress I’ve made with potentially a food binge episode. But, because my period came, I quickly understood that I will start showing progress again in a few days and by avoiding the spiral now, I know I will get through this mentally because I will feel better very soon and began encouraging myself once more.

I would not be able to successfully do this if I didn’t know about my cycle or what my period brings to me. Do I enjoy having my period? Of course not. I cramp and bloat and cry and crave, but I am prepared for it and I can handle it now each time it comes. As a child and throughout my twenties, I could not. And then you add birth control on top of that, and you have a fractured cycle and additional hormones at play. It becomes very complicated.

Birth control is a wonderful creation for us to ensure that we’re not bringing unwanted life into the world, but it really has its issues. I am hopeful that at some point we can focus more on women’s health and not just assume that women’s bodies are simply men’s bodies with tits and vaginas, but we’re still a ways away. And given the new health requirements from the white house, we’re likely not getting any closer, at least for the next four years.

This may not be anything new to you, but it was a real revelation to me in my thirties. My complete education up until that point was trying whatever was available to see what works, and a weird video that was immediately surrounded with embarrassment and shame in fifth grade when the teacher pulled out all of the girls from the classroom to watch a “private video” in the library. The boys all knew what it was and giggled as we all silently filed out the door and at the end when she asked if we had any questions, we were obviously way too bashful to request any clarifying information.

Periods are natural and their cycle is literally the reason that we are all here. We should not feel ashamed about something we cannot control and something that honestly gives life. Patriarchy is so crazy: without women, there would be no more people, and yet, we have all bought into the idea that we are less than men. The fuck?!